When You Just Want to Be Understood: Why Emotional Validation Matters More Than You Think

Most of us have had that moment where we’re talking to someone we care about — our partner, a friend, a family member — and it feels like we’re speaking different languages.

You’re not asking them to fix it.

You’re not asking them to take sides.

You just want them to get it. 

To look at you and say: “That makes sense. I hear you.”

When that doesn’t happen, it leaves a quiet ache. An emotional disconnection that lingers long after the conversation ends.

This is where emotional validation steps in, and it’s far more powerful than most people realise.

What Emotional Validation Actually Means

At its core, emotional validation is the act of acknowledging someone’s feelings as real, understandable, and important. You don't necessarily have to agree with their perspective or feel the same way. It’s simply offering a steady and supportive presence that lets them know: “I see how you’re feeling, and it matters.”

Why Validation Changes Everything

1. It Eases Defensiveness

When someone feels seen and heard, they naturally soften. Arguments lose their edge. People stop bracing for impact. Instead of gearing up to defend themselves, they’re more willing to listen and stay engaged.

Validation lowers the emotional temperature so connection can grow.

2. It Creates Emotional Safety

We open up to people who don’t judge, dismiss, or minimise our feelings. When your partner knows their emotions are welcome, trust deepens. Safety builds. Vulnerability becomes possible.

3. It Strengthens Connection in Everyday Life

Validation isn’t just a crisis tool. It matters in the little moments — stories about work, frustrations with the kids, excitement over small wins.

Each time you respond with “That makes sense,” you’re reinforcing: “I’m with you. I’m paying attention.”

Intimacy builds and relationships thrive in these small yet meaningful exchanges.

What Emotional Validation Is Not

A few common misconceptions:

• It’s not agreement. You can validate someone’s feelings even when you see the situation differently.

• It’s not enabling harmful behaviour. You’re acknowledging the emotion, not endorsing the action.

• It’s not about fixing it. Jumping into problem-solving too soon can feel dismissive, even when the intention is good.

How to Practise Emotional Validation

You don’t need perfect wording — just genuine presence. But these phrases can help:

• “That sounds really hard. I can understand why you feel that way.”

• “It makes sense you’d be upset. Anyone would feel that way.”

• “I hear you. I’m really glad you told me.”

• “You’re not overreacting. Your feelings matter.”

• “I see why this is important to you.”

Sometimes the most validating thing you can do is pause, breathe, and really listen. Here's an example:

Invalidating response: “Don’t worry about it, you’re overthinking. It’s not a big deal.”

Validating response: “I can hear how stressed you feel about this. It makes sense, it really matters to you.”

One closes the door.

The other opens it.

A Gentle Reminder for You

You deserve emotional validation too. Your feelings (big or small) are real and worthy of space.

If you’ve been holding back because you worry about being “too much,” let this be your permission to take up emotional room. You’re human. You’re allowed to have feelings and needs.

When You Practise Validation, Everything Shifts

The next time someone you love comes to you feeling tender, tense, or overwhelmed, try offering curiosity instead of correction. Slow your breathing. Match their pace. Let them know their feelings make sense.

And when you need the same kindness, ask for it. That’s how relationships become places of comfort rather than conflict.

When we feel seen, we feel safe. And when we feel safe, we thrive.