Parenting on Purpose: Teaching Your Child Conflict-Resolution Skills

Children learn conflict skills by watching us. Every disagreement—whether between siblings, friends, or even parents—becomes a teaching moment. When we model calm, respectful communication and actively teach resolution strategies, we give children lifelong tools for empathy, resilience, and healthy relationships.

What Not to Do vs. What to Encourage

Avoid…	Try Instead…
Shutting down with “Because I said so.”	Inviting dialogue: “Can you tell me what’s upsetting you?”
Yelling, threats, or punishment in the heat of the moment	Staying calm: “I need a minute. Let’s come back to this together.”
Solving the problem for your child	Coaching them: “What do you think would make this fair?”
Dwelling on mistakes long after conflict is over	Reflecting gently: “How did that feel for you? What could we try next time?”

6 Steps to Guide Children Through Conflict

1. Pause & Calm

   Help everyone settle first. Take deep breaths, or step aside briefly before talking.

2. Name the Feeling

   Encourage: “I feel ___ when ___.” Naming emotions builds awareness.

3. Listen to Each Other

   Practice turn-taking. Model active listening by repeating back what you heard.

4. Brainstorm Solutions

   Invite children to suggest ideas, even silly ones—creativity builds cooperation.

5. Choose a Fair Agreement

   Decide together what feels fair and workable for both sides.

6. Reflect Afterward

   Ask: “How did that go? What can we do better next time?”

Simple Scripts Parents Can Use

• “Let’s slow down and take turns sharing how we feel.”

• “I can see you’re upset. What do you need right now?”

• “What would make this feel fair to both of you?”

• “Let’s practice: I feel ___ when you ___. I’d like ___.”

Reflection Prompts for Parents

• How do I usually handle conflict in front of my children?

• Do I model calm or escalation?

• When was the last time I coached my child through a disagreement instead of fixing it for them?

• What values (e.g., kindness, respect, fairness) do I want my child to learn from conflict?

Downloadable Resource: Quick Family Conflict-Resolution Plan

Family Conflict Resolution Plan.pdf

Download PDF • 28KB

Conflict isn’t something to fear—it’s a chance to practice empathy, problem-solving, and teamwork. By responding with patience and modeling respectful communication, you help your children grow into confident, compassionate individuals who know how to handle life’s challenges.