Grief Is Not Linear: Understanding the Stages of Grief and Finding Your Own Way

Missing a connection that has ended is not bad. It's human.

Grief is one of the most human experiences we share—and one of the hardest. Whether you’ve lost a loved one, experienced the end of a relationship, or are navigating another form of deep loss, grief changes the way we see ourselves and the world.

It can feel overwhelming, unpredictable, and deeply isolating. One moment you may feel numb; the next, you might be flooded with tears, anger, or regret. These ups and downs are normal, and there is no “right” way to grieve.

Frameworks like the five stages of grief can give us language to describe what we feel, but grief rarely moves in a neat, linear way. Just as important as knowing the stages is learning to reflect on your own unique journey, giving yourself permission to heal at your own pace.

The Stages of Grief

The stages of grief, first described by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, provide a helpful guide for what many people experience after loss:

1. Denial – A sense of disbelief or shock. You may feel numb, as though what happened can’t be real. Denial helps cushion the initial blow of loss.

2. Anger – Anger can surface at yourself, others, the situation, or even at the person who has died or left. While uncomfortable, anger is a natural response that shows the depth of your care and hurt.

3. Bargaining – This stage often sounds like “If only…” or “What if…”. You may find yourself replaying events or wishing you could undo the loss. Bargaining is often an attempt to regain a sense of control.

4. Depression – A deep sadness, heaviness, or fatigue may set in. You may feel less interested in daily life or question the meaning of things. This is often the stage that feels most overwhelming, but it’s also where healing begins to take root.

5. Acceptance – Acceptance doesn’t mean you “get over” the loss. Instead, it means you slowly begin to integrate it into your life, finding ways to live alongside the grief rather than fighting it.

These stages don’t happen in order, and you may cycle between them multiple times. Some people may not relate to all five stages—and that’s okay. They are a framework, not a rulebook.

Other Helpful Ways to Think About Grief

• The Dual Process Model: Suggests that grief involves moving between two experiences—facing the loss (sorrow, reflection) and engaging in life (work, family, new activities). Both are essential for healing.

• Life Reentry / Second Firsts (Christina Rasmussen): Focuses on resilience and creating “second firsts”—small steps toward rebuilding life after loss.

Reflecting on Your Own Grief

Beyond the stages, it’s important to tune into your own experience. Grief shows up in many ways:

• Emotionally – sadness, anger, guilt, relief, confusion, or even numbness.

• Physically – fatigue, headaches, tightness in the chest, or changes in appetite.

• Mentally – difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, or intrusive memories.

• Spiritually – questioning meaning, faith, or purpose.

Reflection can help you process these experiences with more compassion. Here are some gentle prompts you may wish to use:

• What feelings come up most strongly for me today?

• How does grief show up in my body?

• What do I need right now—comfort, rest, connection, or space?

• What would it look like to be kind to myself in this moment?

Moving Through Grief with Compassion

Healing from grief doesn’t mean “getting over” your loss. Instead, it means making space for the pain and for life beyond it.

A few reminders as you move forward:

• Grief is not a problem to be solved, but a process to be lived.

• You are allowed to feel many emotions at once—love, sadness, anger, hope.

• Seeking support from trusted friends, family, or a counsellor can provide comfort and perspective.

• Taking care of your body—through sleep, movement, and nourishment—helps sustain you through the emotional waves.

Grief is the price of love and connection. While the pain of loss is real, so too is your capacity to heal and grow. By understanding common patterns like the stages of grief and honouring your own personal experience, you can navigate loss with more clarity, self-compassion, and hope.

You are not alone in this journey, and healing—though often slow—is possible.

There is no “right way” to grieve. It takes the time it takes, and it will look different for everyone. Allow yourself patience, and remember that reaching out for help—from family, friends, or a counsellor—can provide comfort and support along the way. If you’re navigating grief and would like support, our counsellors at Hills Relationship Centre are here to provide a safe, compassionate space for healing.

If you need help coping with the feelings and changes that come with grief and loss, a mental health professional can help you to explore and identify your feelings and find a sense of assurance. If you need urgent or crisis support, contact one of the below 24/7 support numbers:

Lifeline 13 11 14

Mensline 1300 789 978

Emergency 000