Grief Is Not Linear: Making Sense of Loss

Missing a connection that has ended is not bad. It's human.

Grief is one of the most deeply human experiences we share — and one of the most difficult.

Whether you have lost a loved one, experienced the end of a relationship, or are navigating another significant life change, grief can shift the way you see yourself, your future, and the world around you.

Many people describe grief as overwhelming and unpredictable. One moment you may feel numb or disconnected. The next, you might be flooded with sadness, anger, regret, or longing.

These emotional waves can feel confusing, but they are a very natural part of grieving. There is no “correct” way to experience loss, and no timeline you are expected to follow.

While certain frameworks can help us understand grief, every person’s journey through loss is deeply personal.

The Five Stages of Grief

One of the most widely known ways of understanding grief comes from the work of psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, who described five common responses people may experience after loss.

These stages can offer helpful language for what grief may feel like.

Denial

A sense of shock or disbelief. You may feel numb or struggle to fully take in what has happened. Denial can help soften the initial impact of loss.

Anger

You might feel anger toward yourself, others, the situation, or even the person who has died or left. While uncomfortable, anger often reflects the depth of love, pain, and longing beneath it.

Bargaining

This stage is often marked by thoughts such as “If only…” or “What if…”. You may find yourself replaying events or wishing things had happened differently.

Depression

A deep sadness or heaviness may set in. You may feel fatigued, withdrawn, or less interested in daily activities. While this stage can feel particularly difficult, it is also a time when many people begin slowly processing the reality of the loss.

Acceptance

Acceptance does not mean “getting over” the loss. Instead, it means gradually learning to live alongside it and finding ways to carry the memory or meaning of what was lost forward in your life.

Importantly, grief rarely unfolds in a neat or predictable sequence. You may move between these experiences many times, or find that some stages resonate more than others.

These stages are best understood as a guide, not a rulebook.

Other Ways of Understanding Grief

Researchers and clinicians have also developed other ways of thinking about how people adapt to loss.

The Dual Process Model

This model suggests that healthy grieving often involves moving back and forth between two experiences: facing the loss (through sadness, reflection, or remembering) and engaging with life again (through work, relationships, or new activities). Both are important parts of healing.

Life Re-entry and “Second Firsts”

Grief researcher Christina Rasmussen describes the idea of “second firsts” — small steps that mark a return to life after loss. These might be simple things, like trying a new activity, reconnecting with others, or creating new routines.

How Grief Can Show Up

Grief doesn’t only affect emotions. Many people notice changes across different parts of their life and body.

Grief may show up:

Emotionally

Sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, relief, or numbness.

Physically

Fatigue, headaches, tightness in the chest, disrupted sleep, or changes in appetite.

Mentally

Difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, or intrusive memories.

Spiritually or Existentially

Questioning meaning, faith, identity, or purpose.

These experiences can feel unsettling, but they are common responses to significant loss.

Gentle Reflection During Grief

At times, it can help to pause and check in with yourself with kindness and curiosity.

You might consider reflecting on questions such as:

• What feelings are most present for me today?

• How is grief showing up in my body right now?

• What do I need most in this moment — rest, connection, comfort, or space?

• What would it look like to treat myself gently today?

These reflections are not about “fixing” grief, but about making space to understand your experience.

Moving Through Grief with Compassion

Grief is not something we solve or overcome quickly. It is something we gradually learn to live alongside.

A few reminders that many people find helpful:

• Grief is a process, not a problem to be fixed.

• It is possible to feel many emotions at once — sadness, love, anger, gratitude, and hope.

• Support from friends, family, or a counsellor can make this journey feel less lonely.

• Caring for your body through rest, movement, and nourishment can help sustain you through difficult periods.

Grief is often described as the price we pay for love and connection. While the pain of loss is real, so too is the human capacity for healing, meaning-making, and resilience.

You Don’t Have to Navigate Grief Alone

If you are experiencing grief and finding it difficult to cope, speaking with a counsellor can provide a safe and compassionate space to explore what you are going through.

Our counsellors at Hills Relationship Centre offer supportive, non-judgmental conversations to help you process loss and find steadiness again.

If you need immediate support, you can contact:

• Lifeline: 13 11 14

• MensLine Australia: 1300 789 978

• Emergency services: 000