• HRC

Should I break up with my partner?


Should I stay in my relationship? Or should I leave? So many of us struggle to answer this question. It is a daunting question and one that often feels like there is not a clear or easy answer.

Let's look at what you should consider before making a decision about staying, or leaving your relationship.


By taking the time to think about the key points below, and answering yes or no to some simple questions, you will be able to get a feel for whether you want to stay in your relationship and whether you want to do the work necessary to make it better.


Some of the key points consider:

· Does your partner respect you? Do you respect your partner?

· Have you given time for hurts to heal? Does your relationship have the capacity for forgiveness?

· Is there a power imbalance so your partner makes you feel humiliated? Or does she/he bombard you with obstacles so that you can’t get even your smallest needs met?

· Has your partner breached an important boundary of yours?

· Is the relationship abusive? Mentally, physically, emotionally, psychologically, sexually or financially?

· Was the relationship ever really good? If not, it probably never will be.

· Are you both capable of change? And willing to change?

· Do you actually like your partner, and does she/he actually like you? What is the state of your friendship (friendship is the foundation of any worthwhile relationship).

· Despite everything, have you still got more to give? Or are you depleted?


Your thoughts on questions like these will give you a greater insight into the decision you need to make.


Before you make a decision about the future of your relationship, you should never make any life-altering decision from a place of anger. Your anger may feel very justifiable and it is so important to appropriately express our feelings, but beneath the anger often lays deeper and more authentic emotions, such as fear, sadness or pain. Take the time to try and get in touch with your more vulnerable feelings. It can feel risky expressing our vulnerability with our partners, but it is worth a try.


When two people are able to communicate their vulnerable side to each other, so much becomes revealed and true learning and connection can take place. It's where our true self lives and it needs to be heard. If your partner is the "right" partner, they'll listen and care when you reveal your vulnerable side. If they don’t, you may have your answer.


So, if you’re in limbo and unsure of whether to stay or go, focus on the few important issues. If you decide to stay, commit to that and making the changes needed. If you decide to go, pull the band-aid off quickly, and go.


If you need helping making the decision to stay or go, please get in touch as we would be happy to help you with this difficult decision.

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Hills Relationship Centre are a team of individual, expert relationship and family therapists who help to create healthy relationships, and mend troubled ones.

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